The Magnificent Seven Tax Preparers

by Turtle

This is what I do during the tax season, can you tell what kind of a day it was at work today? This is absolutely not to be taken seriously!


Chris was sitting at his desk having a richly deserved cup of coffee looking over his last clients tax return. He looked up to see Vin, one of preparers standing at the door of his office. "Come on in Vin, tell me how the hell can someone sell $30,000 worth of stock and not make a penny? If he's that dumb he'd best just quit playing the stock market. Besides that he still is gonna owe the feds over four grand and the state wants a thousand of their own. Why do these stupid people come to me?"

"Cuz yore the boss and what you don't know about doing taxes ain't worth knowing? If'n ya want we could trade and you could have the dumb bunny I just had to answer questions for. When I did her out-of-state return for Michigan a month ago I asked her point blank if she had lived in or worked in the city of Flint since that was her address, her answer was yes. Now she calls back and says why did she have to do a Flint Michigan return since she didn't live in the city of Flint, only the township of Flint. I swear some of these people ain't got nothin between their ears but air."

Josiah stuck his head in the office and commiserated, "I know how you feel, I did a corporate return for a couple and am working on their personal return, only now they call and tell me they're leaving town tomorrow so they need the return finished by the morning so they can pick it up and get it in the mail before they leave. I guess I'll be working late tonight, why does everyone leave this for the very last minute?"

"I don't know but they always do, hey Chris I'm having problems with the program, it won't let me input the figures off a K-1. What do I need to do to force it to do what I want, and don't tell me to do it by hand cuz it ain't happenin'." Nathan asked from the doorway.

Chris just shook his head and put it down on the desk, "My suggestion would be to shoot the computer, but since we can't do that yell at JD back in electronic filing and get him to tell you, he's supposed to be the computer whiz of the bunch."

"Hey-ya, gab session going on here?" asked Buck. "Did you see that pretty filly I was preparing taxes for, she's a doctor and makes real good money; not to mention she has the prettiest eyes. I thought about asking her out, but I know how ticked off that makes ya Chris."

Chris just sighed at Buck's remarks, the man would die an old man still flirting with any woman around. "Ah have a definite problem here, do ya'll think it would be possible for any of you to attempt to write legibly? How can ah put figures in the books if ah can't even tell if it is a three or an eight? Ah have to be polite to all of these cretins and still attempt to take their money and make the correct change. Ah cannot do everything around here, ah make the coffee, answer the phone, play receptionist, do the books and all ah'm askin is for ya'll to write clearly. Is that too much for me to ask?" Ezra of course, who else was left out there to crash his office.

"Hey Chris?" JD of course, that left his entire crew standing in his office, maybe he needed to lock the door, that way he might get a little peace and quiet on occasion. "Chris, I got that last batch of returns transmitted to the IRS, is there anything else you need done right now?"

The blonde bounced his head off of the desk once or twice before answering, "Yeah, Nathan can't get the program to take the figures he needs to input from a K-1, will you take a look and help him. Vin, you help Josiah with that return so he doesn't have to camp out here overnight. Buck, you go and help Ezra decipher everyone’s writing and balance the books. I'm gonna go shut off the OPEN sign and when we finish up I think we all need to go out and have a good stiff drink."

Vin looked at him before asking, "You buying cowboy?"

Chris smiled, "Well I'll buy the first round but after that you're on your own. So lets get busy and finish up and then we'll get the hell out of here!" Six voices echoed their agreement and six bodies left his office to do what needed done. Chris thought to himself, only a week left and then another week final wrap-up and then tax season was finished for another year. Thank God!

March 2001


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